US to outsource obesity to India

US to outsource obesity to India

ECONOMICTIMES.COM[ THURSDAY, APRIL 15, 2004 10:57:23 PM ]
Tired with ranting at Indians for taking away their jobs and churning out jokes about outsourcing CEOs as well as the President, American wits are now busy sympathising with Indians for their outsourcing pains!


Can you imagine a situation where India is begging the US to stop outsourcing! No way, you say? And you are right. It is yet to happen, but up to their neck with outsourcing, Americans are busy dreaming up such scenarios.


"Outsourcing makes businesses more competitive, and we thought the influx of high-paying jobs was a good idea at first," says Indian Prime Minister Atal Bihari Vajpayee. " But the cost to our society has been enormous .


Starting with Indians acquiring American accents and studying their customs to work in call centres, apparently they are now turning into Americans themselves!


"These call centre and customer support workers have trained so hard to act American on the telephone that they have essentially become Americans," laments the Indian Prime Minister. "It is as if we suddenly had a huge influx of American immigrants. The cultural ramifications have been overwhelming."


What's more! The Americanised workers have been demanding reduced schedules which are closer to the typical 40-hour American work week. They have also fuelled a sharp rise in fast-food outlets and litigation. In short, they are now Americans.


And Americans are sure that this outsourcing of their lifestyle will be the ultimate Trojan Horse. Yes, with their jobs, the sedentary lifestyle and the flab are also getting outsourced.


The fat American wanting to outsource his flab to India is the next big thing and if Newsweek's Andy Borowitz is to be trusted, succeeding as well! To quote Borowitz, "The United States is rapidly outsourcing obesity to India and hopes to shed as many as three trillion pounds of unsightly cellulite annually, as announced by President George W Bush.”


The President says "that since most of the millions of jobs outsourced since he was elected President were extremely sedentary, those jobs are now making the people of India fat instead of us”.


Hoorah! Finally, a brownie point in favour of outsourcing! So after the American President feeling happy about offloading sedentary, fat-inducing jobs to Indians, we have the Indian Prime Minister crying hoarse about the loss of Indian cultural identity.